A Garden Gnome Kicked My Ass
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I’ve had a fucking stupid work schedule lately… since June, I’ve had Sundays and Tuesdays off. No matter how much I enjoy the work I do, I can’t begin to describe the amount of suck this schedule has introduced into my life. Since I’ve not had much choice but to embrace the schedule and wait … Continue reading

Four-Year Fake
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Every once in awhile, I think about going back to school. Not because I want any kind of sweeping career change that requires another degree, but because I’m fascinated by the idea that it takes exactly four years to learn almost any discipline. Some of the Bachelor degrees I was looking at today include International … Continue reading

That Was in My Lung?
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One of the great things about being smoke free for the first time in ages is experiencing some remarkable and almost immediate healing. Truly, the human body is pretty forgiving of the shit we put it through. I’m on a remarkable sustained oxygen high, and I no longer feel winded after masturbating. Quitting smoking is … Continue reading

What if I was Lying Here Dead?
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I realized sometime this afternoon that my home phone has been unplugged since last Wednesday and that I haven’t looked at my cell since Friday morning. Thanks, family, for checking to make sure Dervish hadn’t eaten my face. Anyway, if you saw my Facebook page, you know I failed with the not smoking thing today. I … Continue reading

Don’t Jerk at Work
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I am absolutely mortified by the idea that people may have thought I was ripping Jon Stewart off with yesterday’s post.* So I’m doing a little bonus post this week. Hopefully Jon hasn’t done this one… ***************** Back when I was young, cute, and busy fucking my way through all the guys in the city who weren’t tied down … Continue reading

Invitation to a Legitimate Raping
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Today, I’m going to share some random bullshit that’s been floating around my brain lately. Yeah, I’m behind on this one, but everything I wrote about it before today was too harsh… even for my blog. Legitimate Rape Of course you’ve heard about this. Todd Akin, along with a bunch of other complete dickholes, seems … Continue reading

Crunchy Crackheads and Crusty Panties
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I’m such a dickhead. I watched UFC tonight instead of finishing this post, so it’s linked to the Pish Posh 8 Week Challenge without being totally finished. Sorry… give me an hour or so. Update: It’s pretty much done, but not awesome. If it makes you feel better, the Benavidez/Johnson match tonight was all kinds … Continue reading

Doesn’t Taste Like Chicken
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I haven’t been perfect with my non-smoking lifestyle change. Surprised? Then clearly you haven’t been paying attention. The only major achievement in my life is a stunning failure rate. So, while I didn’t fully quit smoking this week, I did make out with a lot of crackheads. What’s particularly awesome about that is they mostly … Continue reading